I think a don't ask don't tell policy is sort of like giving the teen or even spouse a get out of jail card. Sort of like I can sleep around on my husband and it's okay as long as he doesn't ask me if I am sleeping around or I don't admit it. The real world don't work like that. If I sleep around it may or may not end in my marriage ending. Just because my husband doesn't know that I have a hot boyfriend on the side and I don't tell doesn't mean that my life or his life isn't going to suffer the side of effects of me having an fling. Not only could my life change due to my affair but my whole family could suffer these effects. Just for the record.. I don't sleep around.
Don't ask don't tell policy on drugs. If I ever came to my teen and told him I am not going to ask you about drugs and you don't tell me about drugs. I think that would be living in denial.. what I can't see or hear won't hurt me. Wrong. He maybe happily screwing around with drugs and it not hurt me cause I don't know about it. but... what if he were to get into heavier drugs and overdose? Or gets bad drugs and have a bad reaction? That's going to hurt me if my son is sick or dead from drugs. I think if my son knew I was using that policy that it would be like given a get our of jail free card as in Mom doesn't care what I do.. If I stand my ground and say I don't like drugs and you shouldn't do them and I better not find them in my house.. Then if he gets arrested.. I feel like I could stand my ground better and say you did it to yourself ect. However, with the policy.. I think I would feel more like it was my fault and therefor I should help him.
Speaking of the legal terms of drugs... I think having a don't ask don't tell policy when it comes to drugs or even other lives issues is setting them up for the opposite of the real world. If you get pulled over and the cops suspect drugs or drinking.. the cops are not going to use a don't ask don't tell policy. Unless, of course it's the end of their shift and they are too lazy to bring you in and do the paperwork. Or if the teen is so dumb they ask the cop if they want a hit or drink of their beer! Using a little bit of humor.
I can think of one huge error on the don't tell don't ask policy within myself and my teen years. No one asked if I was having sex and I didn't say gee Mom.. I am going to do this and how do you prevent an pregnancy? Not that we had an agreement don't ask don't tell but I wasn't telling and she wasn't asking. That didn't stop me from becoming pregnant and don't ask don't tell I am pregnant didn't stop a baby deciding she was ready to be born. Life still happens. Speaking of that.. I really think I need to buy protection for my son because he is 17 almost 18 and has a girlfriend but I don't allow anyone at my house and that includes her. My son's room is in the basement and all too easy. But I shouldn't fool myself in thinking if he wants to get laid and if she is willing that it won't happen. I don't need him coming home with a baby and I can't turn a baby away.
This reminds me of how before I stopped the girlfriend of coming over how she gave him an hickey and my ex saw it and says if he gets some girl knocked up hope he don't expect me to help. I didn't think about it but we were young still when we had our first son. We were both 18 and had jobs but not good ones and we needed help. Both our families helped us when he got me "knocked up" I guess we are all guilty of forgetting that we were young too and messed up.
Well those are my reasons on don't ask don't tell. I know that teens are not always going to tell the truth and are always going to try to offer up as little as information as possible so in the end will the parents questions and drilling make a difference. I am not sure but it's worth a try.
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