During my counseling sessions, we have been talking about taking control back of my emotions. How I can avoid the same patterns by changing how I react. We have discussed how I don't have control of anyone else actions or thoughts of me, but I can control how I react and change a pattern. That sometimes we just have to made a decision to not keep on the same pattern of things.

If only I could put that into practice. It's easier said than done. I know that I take things more personal, because of my experiences over my lifetime and sometimes I can see that, but not until I have been overly upset.

I have some fears that I might be exposing myself on this blog to family. I really don't want family to read my thoughts. I would rather them come to me and talk to me. I feel that this blog provides me with an outlet to express my thoughts about my loss of my daughter through adoption and also my journey through counseling trying to move to a better place in my life. I don't want to feel judged and I don't want to feel like I have to sugar coat things for other people. It's not that I am ashamed of what I write and sometimes other might not agree with me, but this is my space.

Until someone has walked in my shoes, I don't want to be judged by others. So, if any family of mine is reading this, I would have to say read at your own risk. Also, you can talk to me if you have questions.